Seeking

So, I have been thinking about the nature of gossip:

It is clear there is some sort of inclination for most humans to discuss the lives of others with a sort of slant, which results in the popular understanding of the word gossip.

Recently in personal discussions in my life I have struggled with having discussion which "counts" as gossip and conversation that is productive and insightful (yet kind of includes personal anecdotes about the lives of others).
I am never quite clear about what my intentions are during these discussions. I know that usually I am just making comparisons to the intimate lives of others and myself. I am trying to work through social fear and paralyzing social phobia.

I recently outted these thoughts to a friend and she asked me if I had ever heard of Loshon Hora (evil speech). She suggested I visit this website about a Rabbi who really raised concerns about the damaging effects of gossip, evil speech...What ever you would like to call it. I have since posted the Ten Rules of Loshon Hora in my office and have tried to be as aware about the way I speak of others as possible.

What I have found in observation of myself and others is that it is extremely difficult to make it through a whole day without discussing the people I know in some form.
I am feeling as if there is a natural dependence to relate the stories of others.
Your thoughts?

In other soundbytal type think here are some small bleeps of thoughts that have crossed my mind;
Post-Modernism and research
Having dreams about celebrities
Marathon training
and Ice cream

Found by visiting The Mad Chef and investigating my past lives...The Big View

Magical Mystery Tour
Magical Mystery Tour 2
Sal and Sam
Samantha
Sal

The silence of the night was broken suddenly as Sal slide through the doorway of the cabin and back out into the night. As Sal approached the car he paused for a second as if at some kind of crossroad in his mind, then he climbed back into the car consumed with this overwhelming feeling that things were going to work out, that for the first time in his life, everything was ok.

Sal was fascinated with this woman that agreed to join him on nothing more than a whim. More than anything he realized how lonely the road had been over the last few months and how good it would feel to be lying next to Sam at this very moment. For now he turned his attention to the unlite Camel in his mouth and the opened atlas of the US in the console of the Buick. Sal then handed Sam the atlas and said "Baby, pick a town for us to lay low in for awhile."

Sam took the atlas in her hand and pulled Sal close to her and kissed him on his lips softly and whispered to him "Baby, I know the perfect place."

His heart exploded in his chest. He had not felt anything like this in...well never. To this point in Sal's life nothing seemed certain, and then without any warning everything seemed so clear.

Through the night they drove until they reached their sleepy West Virginia town. The mission now was to find a hotel room. They pulled into a roadside motel and as Sal was getting out of the car to check for vacancies Sam pulled him back in and...

I am feeling the need to just write today. I have been doing tons of blog reading and I realize that although the theme blogs are amusing and clicking on links that other people like is good clean entertainment; it is not what is endearing about blogging. Personal reflection is so much more engaging. I am going to try to get into that groove for a little:

I finally began my Peace Corps application. My goal is to complete it by the end of August. Besides my desire to be in service in another country, I am beginning to feel a little antsy to experience something outside of my city, my daily grind, the usual faces and the usual schedule.

Since I became sober in November of 2000, I've spent the last couple years redefining everything that I have known. My primary focus has been self-improvement and "becoming a productive member of society". I've learned to live according to spiritual principles and then unlearned and rearranged the meaning of those principals. In the words of Parliament and the Funkadelics I've "Programmed, De-Programmed and Re-programmed" a thousand times over. This isn't to say I have not had perhaps the most enlightening, creative and joyful years of my life. I guess I am just feeling the need for some serious sensory adjustments. I crave the unfamiliar.

The past month or so I have had no clue if I still desire to work in film. I am not clear on if I feel like going back for a Grad degree is something I want or something I think I should do. I am not sure if I am selfless or doing what I think I should be doing to fill a self-centered desire. I am clueless about where I want to live or what I want to do. I guess all typical uncertainties for a recent graduate who just began work "in the real world."

I guess what is even more significant then all my current ambiguity is that which I am suddenly certain about. I know now that I want to be married soon. I know I'd like to have children when I return from the Peace Corps (if I am accepted). I know I should make some serious changes in my relationships. Mostly, that I want to be better at nurturing my fun, loving and healthy friendships and that I want to eliminate those that are not. I'd like to meet some new and different people. I don't want to gossip.
I am growing up.

It is funny that I am probably the happiest, most confident and most peaceful I have ever been. I still want more.

I had The Phylotopian in mind for this one: The Royal Jam.

Looking good on that dance floor Paul

All your base are belong to us

Okay, here's the latest survey going around. . .

10 years ago: I was 15 years old. I dropped acid for the first time. I went to acting classes in the summer. Hung out every day with my friends and partied.

5 years ago: Took a tour of Europe. Had pretty severe drug habit. Was rapidly advancing in a full time boosting career. Was about to change my entire life.

1 year ago: Finishing up undergrad in Temple's Film Program. Went vacationing with my family. Spending lots of time working hard.

Yesterday: Went to my job in Research (epidemology and biostat). Got a manicure and pedicure after work. Worked on my documentary. Had great phone chat with J. Had another great phone chat will Sal. Fell asleep, happy to be alive.

Today: Work again. Documentary crew meeting tonight. Then hopefully some cuddling with my man.

Tomorrow: Guess What? Work again. Then Phillies game with fire works!!

5 snacks I enjoy: Wheat Thins (tomato basil), No sugar added fugsicles,Low fat laughing cow cheese, Nicorette, Cashews

5 bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Pink Floyd, The Shins, Steely Dan, The Beatles, Lyle Lovett and His Large Band

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Buy a house. Buy a (in mint condition) '79 Celica Supra. Film my screenplay. Give money to my family. Travel.

5 locations I'’d like to run away to: Nepal, Bali, Italy, Israel, AT

5 bad habits I have: Evaluating others(outloud and in my head), Chewing (and biting my lip, Playing on computer and not working, Sneaking into McDonalds and binging, Setting 5 alarms for the morning wake up

5 things I like doing: Wax'in philosophical, Charity runs, Hanging out with my family, Stretching, Service to others

5 things I would never wear: Blush, Leotards, Florals, Fake breasts, Full piece denim outfit

5 TV shows I like: Six Feet Under, Remember the 60's,70's 80's and/or 90's...drawing a blank

5 movies I like: Clock Work Orange, O' brother Where art thou?, Before Sunrise, After Sunrise, Dark Crystal

5 famous people I'’d like to meet: Adrian Brody, Gandhi(dead), Sub-Commandent Marcos, MLK (dead), David Foster Wallace

5 biggest joys at the moment: Salvador, Long conversations (very late at night), My little brother, Time with the family, Thinking about the Peace Corps

5 favorite toys: Apple G4, Ipod, Cell phone, Infinite Jest (book), Salvador

5 people to tag: I won't do this to you, but if your into it that would be cool.

falling.

another brick in the wall